


On Second Thought

by all_new_wolverine



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Dirty Talk, First Time, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, M/M, No penetration, Panty Kink, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings, Smut, Trans James T. Kirk, Trans Male Character, just a little bit, though they do talk about penetration
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-03-02 07:28:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23967640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/all_new_wolverine/pseuds/all_new_wolverine
Summary: Leonard tries to kiss Kirk, who freaks out a little bit, which then causes Len to freak out. But the reason that Jim freaked out is not at all why Len thought he did! Le gasp! This is really just soft PWP/porn with feelings.
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Leonard "Bones" McCoy
Comments: 15
Kudos: 150





	On Second Thought

It suddenly overcame him, at the most completely average time, when they were chilling on Bones’ bed together, playing cards. Maybe it was the way that Jim kept shoving a hand roughly through his hair as he was thinking, making it stick up every which way. Maybe it was the grin that lit up Jim’s face when he kicked Len’s butt with one incredibly well-played card, the grin that slowly slipped as Bones just kept staring at him. Maybe it was the way that Jim’s gaze darted down to his lips then back up to his eyes, his cheeks coloring gently. 

Maybe it was the fact that Bones was just  _ tired  _ of holding himself back. Like the way that water eroded rocks, Jim wore against Len. His common sense and self denial had been beaten down after years of pining. Before he could clutch tight to it, part of him was falling into the sea below. 

He wasn’t an idiot. He knew that Jim would never want the kind of relationship that Bones wanted with him. That wasn’t who Jim was. As he moved in cautiously, with clear purpose but slow enough to give Jim time to pull away, he tried to convince himself that this would be enough. Just to have the chance, one time, to be with him. 

Jim didn’t pull back. Until their lips touched, when he suddenly pushed Bones away with a firm hand on his chest, his eyes wild and frenzied. When they were far enough apart he let his hand drop. It was shaking. 

_ Shit. _

Leonard had read everything wrong. This wasn’t two sided at all, not even just the physical attraction bit like he had let himself hope. It was just as unrequited as he had always thought and he’d been a fool to believe any differently. “I’m— sorry. Oh, God, I’m so sorry.” It would’ve been embarrassing, how devastated he sounded, if it wasn’t for the fact that he’d  _ just done _ the most embarrassing thing possible. He dropped his head into his hands. 

“Woah, what? No, Bones.  _ I  _ should be sorry.” 

Bones looked up. His best friend was staring back at him. Though, somehow, even though they were best friends and they’d talked about everything together, done so much together, they were now in completely new territory. The juxtaposition of feeling so uncomfortable and unsteady in the presence of the person who was always made him so comfortable was making his head spin. 

Bones shook his head, both to clear it and to refute him. “No.” His voice was gruff. “You don’t need to be sorry for not feeling the same. I shouldn’t have ever thought that you’d want… with me… I just…. God, I’m an idiot.” 

“No no nonono you don’t get it.” 

“What is there to get? You don’t want this. It’s fine.” Bones stood up to go-- where? They were in his room. He couldn’t exactly kick the kid out after he’d just tried to kiss him. Luckily he didn’t have to decide what to do. Kirk grabbed his wrist firmly. 

“Just give me a sec?” 

Bones looked down at him. He was still shaking and had a hand shielding his eyes. He looked-- God, he looked wrecked. Because of what Bones had done. Guilt twisted in his gut, accompanied by a healthy dose of revulsion and nausea. He wanted to run out of here, to pretend this never happened. But he couldn’t leave Jim like this. He had to find out why he was reacting so badly. So he sat back down on the bed, letting Jim hold his wrist, hoping that he couldn’t feel just how fast Len’s heart was beating. 

They were silent for several moments as they both just breathed. Eventually the nausea subsided, but he still felt just as guilty. And then Kirk started stroking his wrist with small movements of his thumb. And that-- that just wasn’t  _ fair _ because Bones couldn’t help but think of Jim touching him like that in other places. 

“C’mon, Jim.” Bones struggled to keep his voice level. “You can’t do that if you don’t feel the same way. It’s not fair.” 

“Len. God. I do feel the same way.” 

Bones stilled. Surely he hadn’t heard him right? The air seemed thick and heavy as he tried to drag it into his lungs, making his voice sound choked. “You do?” 

“Yes.” He lifted his head, looking at Bones. “It’s not that I don’t want to kiss you. It’s that I want to kiss you all the fucking time.” 

There was no air left in the room as he stared into those baby blues. His heart began to pound. But all he could think to say was, “Okay?” 

“I mean, this isn’t just… this wasn’t just going to be a quick fuck or something for you, was it?” He nibbled on his lip as he looked at Bones warily.

Bones’ mouth was dry. He wanted so badly to lie, to deflect. But now was not the time to be a coward. “No. I would’ve tried to convince myself it was, but... no. It would never have been that.” 

“Good.” He squeezed Len’s hand tightly, his own still shaking. “Good. Bones, I really want this.”

“Oh. Okay.” He swallowed, squeezing his hand back gently. He didn’t know what to say, what to do. Was this really happening? 

Kirk tilted his head. “What?”

Bones shook his head, trying to sort through his confusion. “I just... don’t understand. You’ve been with so many people, or at least you’ve said you’ve been. What’s different about me? I mean surely you don’t react like this,” he gestured at Kirk’s shaking body, “whenever someone tries to kiss you.” He smiled, attempting to bring some levity to the situation. “I mean, am I that scary?” 

Kirk just looked at him with wide-eyed honesty. “Yeah, Bones, you are. What are you not getting about this? You’re  _ you _ . I mean, you’re--” He cut himself, glancing up at Bones.

The way he said  _ you _ , the way his eyes were still so wide like he couldn’t believe this was happening, the way he was still trembling... it made something suddenly click. Len reached out to cup Jim’s face gently, his insides slowly dying as Jim closed his eyes and leaned into the touch.

“I’m what?” 

His answer was a whisper. “You’re  _ it  _ for me.” 

Bones wanted to say something eloquent, something incredible and romantic, but he was struck dumb. He hadn’t expected Jim to just come out and say that. Apparently he was way braver than Bones even gave him credit for. “Oh.” 

“Yeah.” 

“So you—“ Bones cleared his throat, dropping his hand from his cheek. It was difficult to speak. “You feel the same?”

“Well,” Kirk smirked, opening his eyes and reaching up one (almost steady) hand to push Bones’ hair off his forehead. “If the way you feel is that you’ve been in love with me for years and only just now realized your feelings were reciprocated which changes, just, everything, then yeah. I feel the same.” 

Bones literally gulped. “Yeah. I… don’t know how you can just say it like that though.” His voice was gruff, but he forced it out. “It’s really brave of you.”

Jim blushed at the praise. “Well, you’re the one who tried to kiss me first, so I think it’s a two-way street.” 

Bones snorted. “Hardly. I just couldn’t hold myself back anymore. You’re the only one that’s really been brave here” 

“Well, what can I say?” Jim said with a small shrug. “You’re worth being brave for. I just… didn’t think you’d feel the same way. When you made it clear there was a chance, well.” He rubbed the back of his neck with his hand and looked up at Bones with soft eyes. “I couldn’t not take it.”

And that… that was too much. Bones groaned and crawled over to where Jim was sitting, in between him and the headboard of the bed. He held open his arms. “Come the fuck here. Please.” 

Jim did and Bones closed his arms around him, pulling him to his chest.

Their friendship had always been a bit more physical than the average friendship, with hugs, cuddles, and touches exchanged freely. But there was something altogether different about touching when both of them knew exactly what the touches meant. He sighed into it as finally, finally, Bones could hold him close, stroke his back, thread his fingers through Jim’s, and have him know exactly what it meant. 

Breathing in Jim’s scent, holding him as his trembling subsided was like nothing Bones had felt before. “God…” he breathed out, fisting his hand around the back of Jim’s t-shirt. “I love you.”

Jim peeked up from where he’d buried his face in his chest. “I love you.” Then he shook his head, laughing. “That’s kind of crazy, isn’t it?” He pushed himself up, positioning himself so that he was straddling Bones. He gazed down at him for a good long moment. “My god, I’ve wanted to do this so badly.” And he leaned down and kissed him. 

Their mouths fit together as if they were always meant to be there, lips pushing and exploring gently, navigating this new space together. Bones slid his hands over Jim’s back and shoulders, reaching up to tease the hair at the nape of his neck. 

When Jim moaned, it was quiet, but the sound went straight to Len’s dick. He tensed as he started to get hard, not having expected things to get hot this quickly, and not wanting to push Jim any further than he wanted to go... and maybe, if he was honest, not quite wanting to admit just how turned on he was already. They were best friends, and yeah, Len had thought about this all the time, but did that mean Jim was ready to feel his dick pressing up against him? He pulled back. “Uh…” 

“Don’t worry.” Jim said quietly as he kissed his jawbone. “Me too.” 

“Yeah?”

Jim nodded against his neck, then rolled his hips down for emphasis. “I can’t get hard in a way that you can tell, but, uh. I’m right there with you.” 

Which was so hot and Bones couldn’t resist anymore. “Okay,” he said. 

Jim drew in a breath as Len’s hand dipped to his thigh. “Oh.” 

“Is this okay?”

“Mmh _ mm _ .” He nodded meaningfully as he scooched back a bit for Bones to have better access. 

Bones took his time, enjoying the way Jim’s breathing picked up as he got closer to his cunt. When his breath was coming hard and fast, Bones whispered, “I know. I know.” His hand pushed against him, firm but gentle, moving in slow circles. Jim whimpered and slipped his own hand down to rub against Len’s dick, which was quickly getting all the way hard. 

“Fuck. You’re so big.” 

“Wow,” Bones didn’t know he’d said it until it was out, and then he blushed.  _ Way to kill the mood. _ Jim cracked his eyes open. 

“Wow?” 

“I just…” He was already blushing, but forced himself to push through. “I never thought I’d get to see you this way. Or have you touch me like this. Ever. You’re… so fucking gorgeous, Jim. I’m so ridiculously lucky.” 

Jim made a noise deep in his throat and released his position to completely straddle his lap again, moving forward to capture his lips in another kiss. 

Bones arched into the kiss, desperate in a way he never had been before. He gripped a handful of his hair and encouraged him to kiss deeper, harder. Jim moaned into his mouth and rocked his hips almost involuntarily against Len’s, which,  _ oh _ . Bones broke the kiss as he gasped, realizing that he was actually close to coming. “Jesus, kid. Jesus.” 

Kirk panted as he rocked his hips again. “Aw, fuck, call me kid like that again and I swear I’m gonna come in my pants.” 

Bones smirked. “Okay, kid.” 

Jim  _ moaned  _ and oh yeah, Bones could stand to hear that about a million times over. “Okay, I may have exaggerated a little but ah.  _ Fuck _ .” He broke off as Bones rolled his hips upwards. 

“Yeah? Have you thought about me calling you that while I fucked you good?” He meant it as a joke, mostly, but then Jim nodded and he couldn’t take it.  _ He couldn’t take it.  _

“Thought about you calling me that, you calling me your good little slut, your darlin’, god Bones, you don’t even know all the ways I’ve thought about you fucking me.” 

“Goddamn, kid.” If they didn’t do something now, Bones was going to come like a fucking teenager. “Well, how do you want to fuck this time? If you want to fuck?” 

“Oh I want to fuck. Can we just like.” He blushed a bit, shook his head. “I mean, I’m not quite sure if I want penetration right now, like some days I really like it and some days I don’t and I think this is one of the not-liking-it days. Is that okay?” 

“Of course it’s okay, darlin’. Just wanna make you feel good.” He kissed him again and rolled his hips up for emphasis, enjoying the way Jim moaned into his mouth. “I could get you off with my hand. Or you could rub yourself off on my dick. Or I could go down on you. Or… anything else. God I’ll do anything for you. What would you like?” 

“You sound like you’re offering up a buffet, mm. Can’t wait to try it all one day.” He grinned and gave him another kiss. “Can I rub off on your dick this time? I’d like to feel you against me.” 

“Of course, sweetheart. Let me just--” he boosted up his hips to slide his pants far enough down his thighs to reveal his underwear. He was about to pull off those too, when Jim stopped him.

“Let me.” 

And yeah, okay, Bones wasn’t about to argue with that, especially not with the way Jim’s eyes went wide and glassy and his mouth parted as he pulled them down, revealing his cock. 

“So fucking gorgeous.” He paused for a minute then looked up at Bones. “Can I taste it?” 

He wanted to say something smarmy like “knock yourself out” but all he could manage was a breathless “yeah.” 

Jim licked a strip up his cock and Bones was pretty sure he would never feel anything that fucking good again in his life. That was before Jim took him in his mouth and Bones almost shot his load right then and there. “Woah, woah,  _ woah  _ okay,” he said, pushing the eager blonde back. “If you want to rub yourself off against a  _ hard  _ dick I suggest you stop that.” 

Jim pouted--  _ pouted _ \-- but acquiesced. He leaned back against his heels as he awkwardly stripped off his pants, then went back to straddling Len as he pulled off his top. 

Bones had seen the man topless before, but never this close, and he’d never been allowed to  _ touch  _ in the way he wanted to. He leaned in to kiss a line across his collarbone and shoulders. Which is when he saw what Kirk was still wearing. That was… that was  _ lace _ . And a little bow? 

“Jim.” His voice wobbled. 

The man squirmed in his lap. As he did, he felt how wet he was. “Do you like them?” 

He phrased it like a flirty question, but Bones could hear the insecurity behind it. 

“Love them.” His voice was hoarse. “Jesus. Didn’t know you wore those.”

Jim nodded. “Mmhmm. Sometimes I think about you fingering me around them. Think about you all the time.” 

Bones moaned. “I know, kid. Me too. Me too. Do you want to… leave them on?” 

Jim nodded. “If that’s ok?

“Yeah,” He said. “Yeah.” He stripped off his own shirt, then smoothed his hands over Jim’s torso again. “C’mon. Get going now.” 

Jim rubbed against him and, hell, Bones underestimated just how hot this would be, watching him as he fucked himself against him, feeling his wetness as he slid and rubbed himself against his dick, seeing him get all flushed and excited just for him. 

“Uh, fuck.” Jim moaned. “I love feeling you against my clit oh fuckfuck  _ fuck _ .” He ground himself down, using his grip on Bones’ shoulders. The lace of the panties rubbed against his dick, soft and textured and  _ ugh  _ he could not get enough of Jim in these. He brought his own hands to the sides of his panties, slipping his thumbs under the sides of them. He pulled them up just a bit and Jim whined at the increased pressure against his clit. 

“ _ Fuck _ yeah, fuck yeah. Oh, Bones.” He switched to rubbing himself in circles against Bones’ cock. 

“Yeah, like feeling you against me too. So fucking turned on, just for me, huh? That’s it baby, you gonna come for me? You gonna come for Len?” 

He didn’t know where all that dirty talk was coming from, but when Jim nodded he couldn’t bring himself to care. “Yeah, gonna come for you. Gonna come so hard. Oh, fuck, Bones. I’m so close, so—“ he squeezed Bones’ shoulders and rocked his hips faster. At the last moment, Bones couldn’t help himself, he pulled Jim to him and kissed him. Jim moaned and whimpered into his mouth, kissing him back sloppily and just a little too hard, as the orgasm washed over him. As the shaking subsided, he broke the kiss, collapsing onto Bones’ shoulder.

Bones himself was trembling as he stroked Jim’s back. He was so hard he felt like he’d go off in a second if he just got a hand on himself. When he tried to do just that, though, Jim seized his wrist. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” Jim mumbled into his shoulder as he smacked his hand away and wrapped his own hand around Len’s cock. 

“Christ, kid. You’re gonna be the death of me.” 

“Hmm. You know they used to use ‘little death’ as a euphemism for orgasm?” He crawled off of Bones and kneeled in between his legs, splaying his knees apart. 

“How is your brain working well enough to remember that?” 

“Oh, I gain one brain cell per orgasm. Did I not tell you that?” 

“Musta… forgotten to mention it… oh shit.” 

Jim had wrapped his hand around the base of his cock and was tonguing at the tip. 

“Mm. Can’t wait to see what you look like when you come, Bones. Been thinking about it for so long.” 

“Well… you’re not gonna have to…. Wait very long… oohhh.” 

Jim licked him from his root to the tip. “You gonna come for lil’ old me?” He batted his eyelashes in the most ridiculous way, and it should’ve been funny, it really should’ve, but instead, Jim was kneeling in between his legs in little white panties, about to take Bones whole, big cock into his mouth and it was practically pornographic. So instead of laughing, when Jim got his mouth around his cock and sucked him down, Bones came immediately, gripping Jim’s shoulder like a lifeline as the pleasure shuddered through him, moans and groans ripped out of him. 

Jim somehow managed to swallow most of his come, but when he couldn’t take anymore and pulled back, the last bit got on his cheek. Which absolutely would have made Bones go feral except that he was absolutely spent. He sighed, relaxing back into the headboard. “Damn.”

“Yeah.” Jim casually wiped the cum off his face with his thumb which he promptly stuck it in his mouth.

“I… you…. Are you  _ trying _ to kill me?” 

Jim looked up at him innocently, still sucking on his thumb. “Who me?”

“Ahh.” Bones leaned back and closed his eyes. “I’m in for it, aren’t I?”

Jim made a soft noise of agreement. “If you want to be.”

“Oh, I want to be.” He closed his eyes and breathed in the moment. Kirk moved to sit next to him against the headboard. When he cracked his eyes open, Jim’s gaze was soft. 

“I love you,” He said, then blushed, smiling down at his legs. “I can’t believe I get to say that now.” 

“God,” Mccoy said, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him snug against his side. “Have I ever told you that your smile is the cutest thing in this whole godforsaken universe?” 

Still blushing, Jim shook his head.

“Well, it is. And I’m going to tell you every goddamn day.” 

“Have I ever told you that you have the world’s best voice? I mean, not just sexy, even though it totally is. But like, soothing and grounding too?” He leaned into Len’s body. “Sometimes I relisten to messages you’ve sent me just so I can hear it again.” 

Len didn’t know what to say to that, so he just held him close. “Have I ever said how much I love your eyes? They’re so clear and deep, like you’re bearing your soul to the whole universe. I could look into them forever and never get bored.” 

Jim squeezed him, making a happy noise. “Have I ever told  _ you  _ about how crazy your hair drives me? I want to play with it all the time. I swear, it makes my last brain cells short out.” 

Bones arched an eyebrow. “Is  _ that _ why you’re always messing with it?” 

“Guilty.”

Bones laughed. “We gotta stop revealing all these secrets or there won’t be anything else left to learn about each other.” Jim looked up at him, nose crinkled as he smiled, love and trust clear in his eyes. And all of a sudden Bones could barely breathe, his heart seized by more love than he had ever felt before. He swallowed. “On second thought, something tells me we have plenty left to discover.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
